Anxious Sacramento Child Therapist Shares 5 Ways to Ease Anxiety

Have you ever experienced anxiety? Gah! Me too. It's like the annoying friend at the end of a party that can’t seem to take a hint and go home.  

Anxiety in our modern lives can highjack our brains and bodies. I see children and teens in my Sacramento child therapy practice that have anxiety symptoms that can disrupt their lives. These families have one thing in common, they want it gone. 

Here’s the problem with that, it’s never going to leave. Plus, (unfortunately) we need it. Well, we need a little bit of it. It helps keep us safe. It becomes a problem, however, when we experience too much anxiety and there is no real threat. 

A tiny history lesson

Back in the day (like waaaaaaay back in the day, think cavepeople times) our anxiety system was awesome! It let us know when we were in danger. It’s a trigger happy system that alerts us of real and perceived danger. Our brain automatically kickstarts an internal alert system. This helps our body get ready for fight/flight/freeze. This is super helpful in cases when we were going to be eaten by a sabertooth tiger. 

How it works in a nutshell

In response to the danger our brain sends out an alert to out body by shutting down unnecessary functions. In a split second our survival instinct assesses the situation and prepares to either fight off the danger, run away from the danger, or in rare cases play dead. We experience this as tightened muscles, upset stomach, tunnel vision, rapid heartbeat, sweaty armpits, change in breathing, and loss of rational thought. What an amazing and intuitive system, right!? Back in the day it was such an asset and helped keep our species alive all these years. Yay brian!  

#Moderndayproblems

As we evolved over time our brain kept this old school alert system. As you know, our world has drastically changed since then. We have modern day stress factors like deadlines, homework, appointments, facebook, tests, traffic, sibling issues, bullies, public speaking, long Starbuck's line, mortgage payments, and on and on. These modern day issues trigger the same response system in our brains and bodies. The amygdala doesn't differentiate modern day stress from life threatening sabertooth tigers. 

Our kids and teens are experiencing the same stuff. It’s part of the human condition. It’s not going to go away but we can manage it more efficiently. Here are 5 ways to get your brain back online when you or a family member is experiencing anxiety.  

 

5 Ways To Get Your Brain & Body Back

 

1. Make some art! I am an art psychotherapist and as such, art will usually be my go to recommendation. Because art is amazing and helps to regulate our brains. You don’t need to be an “artist” or have ANY artistic training or ability. You just move color around on paper or whatever medium you have around. That's it. And it’s super calming. I like to make big lines and scribbles or if I’m feeling fancy I love zentangels. Sure, you can use your adult coloring books too, but, you could also use a bar napkin and a pencil. Don’t get to precious about it just create something. 

2. Phone apps. Sure, I’m pretty anti-screen time for kids… but I’m also a huge fan of go with what works. Simple and effective are nice too. There are some great apps that are super calming. I’ll list a few for the different devices. Bloom, Colorfy, Namaste - Calm Down (my fave), Healing Buddies Comfort Kit, and Breathing Bubbles. If you or your child is on the spectrum there are Autism Apps: Forge Of Neon, Fluidity, & Pocket Pond.  
3. Tapping. If you are new to tapping it’s going to seem a little strange. But, give it a try. Tapping is also called Emotional Freedom Technique (EFT). It’s tapping on an energy meridian and using cognitive affirming phrases to help you get grounded. Here is a Youtube video to get you started. 
4. Gratitude. You want to dramatically change your life? Start practicing gratitude. I use an app called Gratitude on iphone. I’m a visual person so I love that I can capture loveliness around me that I feel incredibly thankful for. You could journal it too. Do whatever feels good - just do it! If this is a new concept for you think small and big. Example “I’m grateful for clean drinking water” or “I’m grateful to have a roof over my head”. It can literally be anything. I would make a goal of 5ish a day. It’s a beautiful way to reflect on all the good in your life. 
5. Breathe. Slow down. Create points into your day for a mindfulness check. Tune into your body. Are you in fight/flight/freeze mode? You can start to transform it by slowing down your breath. Don’t discount this one because it’s so easy. This is by far the most powerful technique I have to offer.  

 If we take this to the most basic level: slow down and breathe. You got this! If you need extra support gimme a call 916-572-7623

To your greatness, 

R 

Mindfulness For the Rest Of Us

Mindfulness For the Rest Of Us 

There’s a good chance you’ve heard of the word mindfulness. It’s thrown around all over the place. I met an awesome parent recently who has not heard of the term before. As we started talking they immediatelyassociated it with buddhist monks chanting. Certainly that’s part of it, but, that’s not where we’re going today. To break it down to the simplest explanation mindfulness is slowing down and paying attention.

We can ALL learn how to slow down and pay attention. Yes, my anxious, mind-wandering-a-million-miles-per-second, to-do listing friend, even you. 

The most basic and powerful mindfulness practice you can start at this very moment is to simply notice your breath. 

Once you get a sense for what your breath is doing Ask yourself these 2 questions without judgement: 

1. What is the rhythm or quality of my breath? 
2. What sensations do I feel? 

Example: 

1. Rhythm/Quality: Choppy, slow and then fast, I hold it at the top
2. Sensations: I feel the wind going out of my nose gently caressing my nose hairs, the slight tickle as the air brushes the top of my lip. My lungs are expanding and deflating. My shirt delicately grazing my skin underneath.     

That’s it. How did you do? Do you feel any differently after taking the space to slow down and pay attention? Mindfulness has the potential to ease suffering in many areas of our modern lives.

If you're intrigued and ready to dig a little deeper I'd love to share an app that's great for newbies without a lot of fluff. It’s called Headspace. The first 10 days are free. They go into detail the process of simply setting up a practice and the science of why in the world this is good for us.  

4 ways to include your kids in the mindfulness fun

1. Have everyone close their eyes. Ring a bell and keep eyes closed until the sound stops. 
2. Lay on the ground and place something small on your belly. Watch how it rises and falls. 
3. Feel your chest for your heartbeat. Then everyone run, dance, jump, spin, and feel your heartbeat again. Notice the difference. Then take your favorite calming yoga pose (mine’s child’s pose) and observe the heartbeat slowing down. 
4. Change your breath. Inhale fast 6 times like a bunny through your nose. Then exhale the same way. Switch it up to long exhale through your mouth like blowing out birthday candles. Then inhale through your nose like you're smelling a lovely rose.   

To your greatness!!!! 

Love, 

R

4 Step Plan to Lessen the Homework Tug of War

Do you have a school aged child in your home? Does that child go to school? Does that school give homework? If you answered yes to all three of these questions I bet it's safe to assume there are some Homework Wars going on between you and your child. 

My colleague, Mercedes Samudio a parent coach and social worker in Southern California and owner of The Parenting Skill wrote an ebook about this just thing: . 

Step 1: Pinpointing the root of the problem. 

Don’t make assumptions really explore the possible triggers and causes. In the book The Homework Wars: Strategies to Finally Win the Homework Battle Samudio notes “the homework battle is seldom about the actual school work and more about the issues that lay beneath”. 

Some helpful questions to ponder: 

• Is there a learning disability getting in the way? 
• Is your child typically developing? 
• What social or emotional barriers could be in the way? 
• Are you too involved in? Or not involved enough?  
• If age appropriate - if your kid's doing homework it's probably age appropriate - consider your involvement level, what would it look like to back off a little (or for some of us a lot)? 
• Is your babe over-scheduled or tired?  
• What’s the homework environment like (TV on in the background, really bright lights, too dark, etc.)? 
• What’s the energy or stress level like for everyone involved? Including you (especially you)?    

Step 2: Your relationship with your child is more important than homework. 

I understand that this may not be a popular opinion. But I stand by it. I know you want to best for your baby. And absolutely good study habits and work ethic will take your love far. However, letting your child learn to fail and instilling the fact that you are there to love and support them through anything will take you sweetie farther. Sometimes when we give up control the thing we were trying to control changes naturally. 

Step 3: Get support

You don’t have to do this alone. We were not meant to parent alone. Reach out and get support. You are not the only one facing this issue there are many parents struggling and looking for community. 

Step 4: Make it fun

Once you’ve considered the first 3 steps and your relationship is in tact you’ll be much better equipped to take on homework again. Loosen up and have some fun. “Eating the frog” is always more enjoyable when we’re having fun. 

I know this is a complex issue and you may have many layers wrapped up in the outcome, such as your own childhood issues or community reputation. Try to stay unattached to the outcome and enjoy the journey. Your darling is only young for such a short time. There’s a lovely book that I always reset to when I’m feeling overly attached to outcome, The Parent’s Tao Te Ching by William Martin.