Tween Life

A little encouragement for you if you're raising tweens especially in Sacramento. Are you baffled by your tween sometimes? One day she's your little angel, just the way you remember her. Craving your wisdom and cuddles. The next, she's a slightly rude emotional alien and it feels like you've never met her before. Sometimes it feels like you're walking on landmines trying not to set her off.

Most likely, it's all normal. Tweens are made to be a bit difficult. Their brains are rapidly developing. Hormones are flooding their systems. The quest for independence starts to bloom (and at the same time it's hard to let go of childhood). Social circles are becoming more important than life itself. These factors and other makes this a confusing time for caregivers and tweens.

These years can also be magical. The world is their oyster, afterall. There are stages your tween has to go through to shed childhood, try on many identities and transition to adulthood. A beautiful metaphor I often use in my Sacramento child therapy practice that I've stolen from Lisa Damour, from her book Untangled (highly recommend) is that you the parent are like the wall surrounding a swimming pool. Your tween is the swimmer. The water is the rest of the world. Your swimmer has to experiment and test out the world as an adult. This often means pushing you away (or kicking off of you to jet off into the water). At the same time your swimmer needs a safe place to land, rest and recuperate. Luckily, you're strong and you can handle it. Hang in there!

If you could use a "lifeguard" in Sacramento I'm running two art therapy groups in June. Sign up today and together we'll create a stronger swimmer. The struggle is real. Keep ya head up. 
 

Anxious Sacramento Child Therapist Shares 5 Ways to Ease Anxiety

Have you ever experienced anxiety? Gah! Me too. It's like the annoying friend at the end of a party that can’t seem to take a hint and go home.  

Anxiety in our modern lives can highjack our brains and bodies. I see children and teens in my Sacramento child therapy practice that have anxiety symptoms that can disrupt their lives. These families have one thing in common, they want it gone. 

Here’s the problem with that, it’s never going to leave. Plus, (unfortunately) we need it. Well, we need a little bit of it. It helps keep us safe. It becomes a problem, however, when we experience too much anxiety and there is no real threat. 

A tiny history lesson

Back in the day (like waaaaaaay back in the day, think cavepeople times) our anxiety system was awesome! It let us know when we were in danger. It’s a trigger happy system that alerts us of real and perceived danger. Our brain automatically kickstarts an internal alert system. This helps our body get ready for fight/flight/freeze. This is super helpful in cases when we were going to be eaten by a sabertooth tiger. 

How it works in a nutshell

In response to the danger our brain sends out an alert to out body by shutting down unnecessary functions. In a split second our survival instinct assesses the situation and prepares to either fight off the danger, run away from the danger, or in rare cases play dead. We experience this as tightened muscles, upset stomach, tunnel vision, rapid heartbeat, sweaty armpits, change in breathing, and loss of rational thought. What an amazing and intuitive system, right!? Back in the day it was such an asset and helped keep our species alive all these years. Yay brian!  

#Moderndayproblems

As we evolved over time our brain kept this old school alert system. As you know, our world has drastically changed since then. We have modern day stress factors like deadlines, homework, appointments, facebook, tests, traffic, sibling issues, bullies, public speaking, long Starbuck's line, mortgage payments, and on and on. These modern day issues trigger the same response system in our brains and bodies. The amygdala doesn't differentiate modern day stress from life threatening sabertooth tigers. 

Our kids and teens are experiencing the same stuff. It’s part of the human condition. It’s not going to go away but we can manage it more efficiently. Here are 5 ways to get your brain back online when you or a family member is experiencing anxiety.  

 

5 Ways To Get Your Brain & Body Back

 

1. Make some art! I am an art psychotherapist and as such, art will usually be my go to recommendation. Because art is amazing and helps to regulate our brains. You don’t need to be an “artist” or have ANY artistic training or ability. You just move color around on paper or whatever medium you have around. That's it. And it’s super calming. I like to make big lines and scribbles or if I’m feeling fancy I love zentangels. Sure, you can use your adult coloring books too, but, you could also use a bar napkin and a pencil. Don’t get to precious about it just create something. 

2. Phone apps. Sure, I’m pretty anti-screen time for kids… but I’m also a huge fan of go with what works. Simple and effective are nice too. There are some great apps that are super calming. I’ll list a few for the different devices. Bloom, Colorfy, Namaste - Calm Down (my fave), Healing Buddies Comfort Kit, and Breathing Bubbles. If you or your child is on the spectrum there are Autism Apps: Forge Of Neon, Fluidity, & Pocket Pond.  
3. Tapping. If you are new to tapping it’s going to seem a little strange. But, give it a try. Tapping is also called Emotional Freedom Technique (EFT). It’s tapping on an energy meridian and using cognitive affirming phrases to help you get grounded. Here is a Youtube video to get you started. 
4. Gratitude. You want to dramatically change your life? Start practicing gratitude. I use an app called Gratitude on iphone. I’m a visual person so I love that I can capture loveliness around me that I feel incredibly thankful for. You could journal it too. Do whatever feels good - just do it! If this is a new concept for you think small and big. Example “I’m grateful for clean drinking water” or “I’m grateful to have a roof over my head”. It can literally be anything. I would make a goal of 5ish a day. It’s a beautiful way to reflect on all the good in your life. 
5. Breathe. Slow down. Create points into your day for a mindfulness check. Tune into your body. Are you in fight/flight/freeze mode? You can start to transform it by slowing down your breath. Don’t discount this one because it’s so easy. This is by far the most powerful technique I have to offer.  

 If we take this to the most basic level: slow down and breathe. You got this! If you need extra support gimme a call 916-572-7623

To your greatness, 

R 

Are all Sacramento kids great? A child therapist explains

Are all kids great?

The short answer, yes. 

Not convinced? Fine, I'll explain further. I guess it makes sense since you're here. Most parents find me and my Sacramento Child Therapy practice when they're in distress. When their kids are making not great choices or when their behaviors on the surface don't appear great.

All behaviors (yes, all...even yours) are a cry for love and connection. Small humans learned to survive evolutionarily by attaching to their caregivers. That attachment is affirmed when your child (us too) feels safe and loved. Children's brains are also a bit different from yours and mine. They are still developing their prefrontal cortex. 

The prefrontal cortex is the front part of our brain underneath our foreheads and continues to develop until our mid-twenties. This part of our brain helps us with executive functioning, self-regulation, and self-awareness. In other words this part of our brain helps us keep our shit together. 

Sometimes we loose our shit and our kids do too. This doesn't take away our inner wealth or inherent greatness. But it is a time when we can help teach our children and ourselves how to regulate and watch out for warning signs in the future. For more awesome brain development information and kick-ass parenting tips check out pretty much anything by Dan Siegel. 

A really great children's book that will connect you and your child plus provide lots of reminders of their greatness is To Your Greatness by Catherine Stafford and Howard Glasser. 

What are some other ways to shift your perspective and find greatness - especially when things are not great? I'd love to hear your greatness detective skills. Email me at renee@parenthoodprep.com 

If you're feeling like you'd like some professional greatness detective work give me a call and we can brainstorm together 916-572-7623

To your greatness!

Love, 

R