About 50% of us do it. We know the odds when we enter into the agreement, but, we do it anyway. We are romantics at heart and lovers of love. We first find love, then get married, then have a baby in the baby carriage. Well, in some sort of order, anyways, we end up coupled with kids. But then a lot of us grow out of that romantic relationship and decide to leave it.
We start to try on the D-word. We agonize over the decision. We might share the details with a very select few people that won't react too strongly. Or sometimes the D-word is thrown on us and we're left stunned. However you have come to divorce you're here. I want to be the first to congratulate you. I know it was not easy and I also know that you're going to be ok.
You want to make the most peaceful choices possible. For better or worse you created a child with this person. They will be in your life for a long time regardless of how you choose to show up. You can attach to the victim role or you can take some responsibility for the part you played in the demise of your relationship. You can make the necessary steps to start to heal and grow. You can choose to empower yourself and find inner peace for yourself, your children and your coparent.
You can choose to honor the love that once was. Honor the person that you share this sacred role and responsibility with. You can choose to do divorce differently. In the 50s, as a society, we just didn't divorce. We stayed in unhappy marriages. Our parents divorced terribly. Leaving us to mend our feelings of abandonment and unloveableness on our own or even worse we were instructed verbally or nonverbally to "suck it up".
We can do SO MUCH BETTER for our children. We get to consciously make moves to respect our coparent and children. We get to fast track the healing process and not wait for time to heal our wounds. We get to show our children that no matter what, they are lovable and our family only expands and transforms into more love and belonging.
Maybe you don't need a workshop though. Maybe you can start out by reading the book Conscious Uncoupling by Katherine Woodward Thomas, available on Audible too. You can do the work on your own, with your coparent, with a therapist. But whatever you choose... do the work!!
You're children are worth it.
Another awesome place to start if you need community is a free Facebook support group and you can always reach out to me personally.
To your greatness!!